The One Left Behind
by classyblue
Summary: Leaving is sometimes easier than being the one left behind.


The palace hallways were eerily silent. Ptolemy could not help but remember the noisy and busy activity that had once graced these pathways. The activities continued and the work was still accomplished, just as before, but much more subdued. The atmosphere now reflected that of the King.

Hephaestion had been dead for a month..._had it really been a month already_... and things where not the same. Ptolemy was certain that they would never be the same again. One had only to gaze on the King to know the truth in these words.

He found Alexander in the gardens outside the rooms that had been Hephaestions'.

Alexander's back was to him but Ptolemy could see the difference in his demeanor even from this angle. His broad shoulders, once held back and straight, were now slumped and hunched slightly forward. The head so long held high and proud, was watching his own hands as they gently held a single flower in his hand and brought it to his face to smell it's fragrance. He brought the petals to his cheek and slowly ran them across his skin.

Ptolemy quietly cleared his throat, making Alexander aware of his presence. Alexander turned only his head and smiled when he saw his tall friend.

"You have things for me to attend to and I am daydreaming again," Alexander said, turning to face Ptolemy.

"Aye, but it can wait, the Kingdom can survive for a few more moments without us." Ptolemy replied, wincing at how his statement might have sounded to his King.

Alexander only nodded, walking towards another blooming bush, reaching out and touching the blossoms. He stood quietly for a few moments as if entranced by the plant. Ptolemy knew his thoughts were not on the petals he was softly stroking, but were somewhere else. Raising his head, Alexander looked around the garden and stopped when he reached where Ptolemy stood.

"He loved this garden, he brought plants and flowers from all the places we have seen and conquered and planted them here, even across that cursed dessert." Alexander mused, "Knowing Hephaestion, he probably went without water himself so they could survive. It would have been so like him to do that."

Alexander laughed softly. Ptolemy tried to think of the last time he had heard him do so. He had seen many emotions from Alexander this past month, but laughter, even this small amount, was not one of them. Anger, shock, withdraw and sorrow had encompassed his friend. All of the Generals had been very worried about him but he kept everyone at a distance.

"How are you today? Did you sleep at all last night?" Ptolemy asked, knowing that sleep did not come easily to Alexander these days.

"I did sleep a little last night, and I am well, you need not worry about me." Alexander told his General, "Spending time in this garden gives me so much comfort, it is as if I can close my eyes and feel him here with me. It warms my cold bones and fills my empty heart."

Alexander closed his eyes, put his head back and sighed deeply.

"He knew, my friend, he knew how much you loved him, of that I am most certain." Ptolemy said, "He would not have changed anything or had you do anything differently."

"I have thought about that a lot, and I think you are right. But had I known our time was so short, I would have done a few things differently." Alexander said looking at Ptolemy for a second before looking away.

"What would that be?" Ptolemy asked.

"His last minutes were of me talking, yet again, of where I wanted to go, places I wanted to see and my dreams. At that moment in his life, when I should have been holding him the closest, telling him how much I love him and needed him, how grateful I was for everything he did for me, seen and unseen....... "

Alexander stopped, his words all tumbling together, tears cascading down his cheeks. He cried softly for a moment before he continued.

"What I would give for a few more minutes with him. Too gaze into his eyes, run my fingers through his hair, caress his cheeks, touch our lips softly...I would give everything I own to make it so. I should have..."

Alexander broke down and sobbed openly, and Ptolemy went to him and held him as he cried, his own tears falling down Alexander's shoulder and back.

"He would hate this. He would tell me I must to be strong and to go on." Alexander said, pulling back to look into Ptolemy's eyes.

"And he is right, as always, I need to keep going and not give into this empty void in my heart. I need to do this, not for me, but to honor him. For once, I need to put him first and not me. And I hope with all my heart, that he knew how much better a man I became because he was in my life." Alexander's words trailed off softly.

"He knew Alexander, I never saw as much love as I saw in Hephaestion's eyes when he looked at you. He knew." Ptolemy said.

Alexander nodded and took a step away from his companion. He sniffed loudly and wiped the tears from his eyes and face on his sleeve. He smiled at his friend and nodded again, maybe assuring himself, as well as Ptolemy, that things would get easier and better.

But they didn't get easier or better. Alexander seemed to have lose his zest more each day, his purpose for living fading more and more. Even when he made an effort to be stronger, his body had given up the fight. The pull to be with Hephaestion was stronger than the need to be the King.

In the end, a look of complete peace came over Alexander's face and Ptolemy knew he was not alone anymore. He had again found his friend, his companion, his love, the other half of his soul.

Though he never told anyone, Ptolemy swore he felt a gentle touch graze him as Alexander took his last breath. Ptolemy knew he wasn't taking his final journey alone.


End file.
